The Fine Art of Saying “No.” Series:
How to Refuse a Link

Photography by Zesmerelda

Maya Norton, who maintains a blog about Jewish philanthropy, asked for my suggestions on a situation every blogger and webmaster has struggled with at some point.

Have you ever been approached by someone who has, to borrow Maya’s words, “a little too much chutzpah or asks things of you which do not honor the integrity of your blog content?”

In a series of four posts, with a staggered release over the next few weeks, I’ll be providing suggestions for dealing with a number of sticky situations:

• You’re asked to link to content you don’t want to link to.
• You’re asked to add a site to your blogroll/links you don’t want to.
• You need to refuse a request for advice, or a favor, or a review.
• You receive a guest-post submission that doesn’t fit with your blog.

In this post, I want to deal with the first scenario: how to refuse an unsolicited link or a reciprocal link offer without putting a reader offside.

Scenario:

#1

Someone contacts you out of the blue suggesting that you link to something they’ve written. You don’t believe your audience will find value in the content.

#2

Someone contacts you to say they’ve linked to something you’ve written. They’d like you to do so in return, but you don’t think their content will be appreciated by your audience.

Solution:

#1

This doesn’t bother me so much, as it’s audacity in practice: unfortunately, the audacious person hasn’t been able to back up their courage with quality or well-targeted content.

Another important point to remember: anyone who has emailed you is, at least, a first-time visitor to your site. They may be a semi-regular reader. They could even be a loyal reader. Therefore, it’s always better to keep them onside, if you’re able.

Despite this, there is a strong reason why capitulating to their request is not in your interests. Your readers not only judge you by what you write but by what you recommend to them. Every link you drop is a recommendation, and a badly chosen link will waste their time and make it seem as if you have poor taste.

Your only option is refusal, but how to do so without putting the person offside? The problem can be even trickier if you operate within the same niche, meaning you’re likely to share a readership.

My advice: Because is a powerful word. Simply saying no will leave the other party feeling as if you’ve been unfair to them. As far as they’re concerned, there’s nothing wrong with the content. If they thought it wasn’t their best stuff, they wouldn’t have pitched it to you.

Politely explain why you’ve chosen not to link to the content. Approach this like a short review you’d give to someone who you didn’t know. Point out what you like and what could be improved. If the content isn’t well-targeted to your readership, explain why.

Don’t patronize them. Don’t let any annoyance you feel seep into what you write. If the content is not up to standard, keep in mind that the person is probably only learning how to blog. The language you write in may also not be their first language.

If you can provide them with constructive criticism, rather than a rejection out of hand, the exchange will be positive for both of you. The other person can’t blame you, because you’ve demonstrated why it is the content that is the sticking point.

A note: Many bloggers and webmasters are actually starved for help and advice. They read metablogs, but metablogs can only ever speak in general terms, and many readers of metablogs struggle to see how this general advice can be implemented on their own, unique site. They crave constructive advice and criticism tailored to them.

You might worry that you’ll offend the other person with your feedback. Instead, you may be pleasantly surprised when you receive a positive and thankful response.

#2

This scenario can seem a little manipulative, though it’s rarely intended to be. It reminds me of those who offer to clean your windshield at traffic lights for a fee. If you’re not interested, they’ll clean them anyway, and try to guilt you into payment afterward — for a service you never wanted in the first place!

I’m certain, though, that there are no bad intentions behind it: we’ve all made mistakes when trying to build our sites, and we may all have used tactics that we’ve come to regret later.

While a link, like a clean windshield, is nice, it’s unfair to be expected to repay this in some way, particularly when the link is not something you want to recommend to your readers.

My advice: In this case, I don’t think you need to talk about the content at all. Tell the other person that, while you appreciate the link, your own link policy is to link without ulterior motives. Tell them that you’ve decided not to participate in any reciprocal link exchanges, regardless of who approaches you, and that you’d give the same answer to anyone that asked.

I believe this approach works well because it, once again, depersonalizes the exchange. It’s not you vs. the link giver, it’s all potential link givers vs. your objective links policy. The link giver doesn’t feel singled out, nor do they feel you’ve rejected them on the basis of their content.